JustAnotherDogBlog

  Me: *impulse buys 1 dog pillow at Aldi, not realizing they actually had 2 in the color I want* Schmoop & Middy: OMG WHAT IS THAT IS IT A SPECIAL THING ITS ON THE FLOOR CAN WE EAT IT? Me: Hm. That's really too small. Glad I didn't get the other one. Middy: I KILL YOU FUCKER FLOOR PILLOW I KILL YOU Me: Middy, no chomps. No eating the pillow, or it goes away like the OTHER ONE. (Mephitidae has destroyed a few pillows) Schmoop: Soft pillow for da Schmoop? Middy: NO IT IS MY SOFT PILLOW YOU BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKITY FUCK I WILL FUCK YOU UP THE FUCKER Me: Middy. DO NOT be mean to Schmoop over the pillow. Middy: MY FUCKING PILLOW FUCKERS Me: OK, what if I sit on the pillow? You're too big anyway. Middy: *clearly sizing up this battle* OVER MY SQUASHED BODY MY PILLOW Schmoop: Fine. *goes to sulk on spacious, comfy futon with pillows and blankets* Middy: FINE *attack sleeps on really too small dog bed* Me: *already contemplating that I now need to check other Aldis for th...

3 a.m. Nobody: Mephitidae (to the entire neighborhood): I KILL YOU FUCKERS I KILL YOU I KILL YOU I KILL YOU FUCKITY FUCKER FUCKS I KILL YOU I KILL YOU Me, having confirmed there were, in fact, no fuckity fucker fucks needing killing: Back inside. Go to sleep. *Closes dog door* *Shoves Middy under covers* Middy: I kill.. kill... Grfuckity... kill....*snoooorreeee* Me: *awake for another few hours because insomnia, of course* 10 a.m. Me: Ok, lazy, let's get up! Middy: *gromp* No why you wake Middy so tired up all night just let me *kicks me in the crotch and face* *snoooooorrrreeee*