Best Old Mommy Treat
Me, about 3 am: ....wuh? Middy: OLD MOMMY!!! LOOOK! Me: Whu? Middy: LOOK OLD MOMMY I BROUGHT OLD MOMMY TREAT! Me: Wait... is my butt wet? WHY IS MY BUTT WET?? Middy: *crunching ominously* I HELP OLD MOMMY, I OPEN!!! Me, confused but suspicious now: MIDDY. Is that a beer? Middy: OLD MOMMY TREAT!!!!! I HELP!!! *flings what I now realize is a Guinness, leaking profusely, on the futon* Me: MIDDY. Did you OPEN the beer?? Middy: BEST MOMMY TREAT FOR BEST OLD MOMMY!!! *upends beer, which is rapidly emptying* Me: *grabs can* Middy: I LOVE YOU OLD MOMMY!!! I SHARE OLD MOMMY TREAT!!! *starts licking at now beer-soaked bedding* LOOK, OLD MOMMY'S TURN!!! POLITE SHARE! Me, declining to politely share the bed-beer: Middy. I love you very, very much. *restrains Middy from beer, restrains self from strangling Middy* *grumbles off to grab a towel* *starts mopping up beer, which fortunately was mostly absorbed by the liner I have down* *MOSTLY* At least it wasn't an IPA. Schmoop: HUMPH.