Too Small (profanity warning)

 Me: *impulse buys 1 dog pillow at Aldi, not realizing they actually had 2 in the color I want*

Schmoop & Middy: OMG WHAT IS THAT IS IT A SPECIAL THING ITS ON THE FLOOR CAN WE EAT IT?

Me: Hm. That's really too small. Glad I didn't get the other one.

Middy: I KILL YOU FUCKER FLOOR PILLOW I KILL YOU

Me: Middy, no chomps. No eating the pillow, or it goes away like the OTHER ONE. (Mephitidae has destroyed a few pillows)

Schmoop: Soft pillow for da Schmoop?

Middy: NO IT IS MY SOFT PILLOW YOU BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKITY FUCK I WILL FUCK YOU UP THE FUCKER

Me: 😤 Middy. DO NOT be mean to Schmoop over the pillow.

Middy: MY FUCKING PILLOW FUCKERS

Me: OK, what if I sit on the pillow? You're too big anyway.

Middy: *clearly sizing up this battle* OVER MY SQUASHED BODY MY PILLOW

Schmoop: Fine. *goes to sulk on spacious, comfy futon with pillows and blankets*

Middy: FINE *attack sleeps on really too small dog bed*

Me: *already contemplating that I now need to check other Aldis for the slightly too small dog bed.* Edit: Middy doesn't fit, and this makes her unhappy, so she's making unhappy growly grunty noises. But not moving.

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