Me: *morel hunting in the yard*
Middy: YAY OUTDOOR TIME WITH MOMMY! *races laps*
Me: Hmm, I should check out that grassy lot across the street (used to be a house, but lack of infrastructural support led to it being flooded).
Middy: HOORAY I CAN RACE THE OLD MOMMY! LOOK HOW FAST I AM, MOMMY!
*gets to end of fenceline*
*watches me cross the street*
Old....old Mommy? Old Mommy, where are we going?
*watches me step into the neighboring yard, where I discovered some of my hostas transplanted by random bulldozing*
OLD MOMMY? WHY YOU NO TAKE YOUR MIDDY SPOON??
Me: Middy, you're fine. I'm going to be right over here. I'll be right back.
Middy: OOLLLLD MOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY???? WHY YOU ABANDON YOUR MIDDY SPOOOOOOOONNNNNN????
OLD MOMMY? OLD MOMMY? ARE YOU GONE FOREVER OLD MOMMY??? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???
*as I walk, clearly visible, for about 3 minutes*
OLD MOMMY IS GOOOOONNNNEEE!!!! OLD MOMMY HAS LEFT HER MIDDY SPOON AND DIIIIIIEEEEEDDDDDD!!! WOE IS THE MEPHITIDAEEEEE!!!!! ALLLOONNNNEEE FOREVER!!!!! ALSO I HAVE NO FOOD OR WATER AND HAVE BEEN BEATEN AND I WILL DIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!! I AM DYING OF A BROKEN HEART, LOOK AT THIS SAD HEARTBROKEN ABANDONED NEGLECTED PUPPY WHO IS DEAD NOW!!!! WOOOOOEEEEEEEE!!!!
Me: *gives up, because by now the entire neighborhood in a 2-3 block radius is aware that Mephitidae is the Saddest, Most Abandoned Puppy in the World*
Yup, it's going to be very interesting the first time I have to go somewhere overnight. *sigh*
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