Me: *gets home from a long day*

Mephitidae: OLD MOMMY YOU WERE GONE VERY LONG MUCH SNIFFING NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!!
Me: OK, yes, sniffing is fine, just don't..
M: I GIVE YOU TACKLE HUGS OF LOVE AND WATERBOARDING AND LOVE!!!
Me: Ack, ptthpt! Middy, ok, here's a hug, now let me bring in...
M: *grabs my arm with her teeth* HERE'S HOW YOU GET IN THE HOUSE OLD MOMMY YOU WERE LOST BUT LOOK IM HELPING!!!
Me: *trying to walk with a dog firmly attached by the teeth to my arm and wiggling frantically* OK, yes, I'm going in the..
M: THIS WAY THIS WAY UP THIS STEP THATS RIGHT UP ANOTHER STEP COME ON OLD MOMMY
Me: OK, Middy? Maybe just let me go on my own and I'll put the milk in the fridge and come ri...
M: YES DRAG YOU INTO THE HOUSE SO YOU NEVER LEAVE AGAIN THAT'S RIGHT YOUR MIDDY WILL SHOW YOU HOW *drag drag drag chomp drag*
(And these scenes are why dog owners have to explain bruises to their doctors.)

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