Best present

 Nobody:

Nobody:
Mephitidae: *THUNK*
...
Me: Middy, what is that?
M: PRESENT!
Me: Middy, is that poop?
M: BEST PRESENT!!
Me: Middy. Did you bring me frozen poop?
M: BIGGEST SPECIAL POOP PRESENT!!!
Me: Middy. NO poop in the house!
M: FOR OLD MOMMY!!! POOP PRESENT!
Me: *picking up large frozen poop in paper towel* No. No poop, Middy. NO POOP.
Middy: I LOVE YOU OLD MOMMY COOKIE JAR TREEAAATTTTT! *sits expectantly by cookie jar*
Me: *throwing away poop* No, Middy, I don't want poop. No treat.
Middy: *watching in disbelief* Special present??? MOMMY DOESNT WANT SPECIAL PRESENT??? COOKIE JAR TREAT PRESENT???
Me: No, Middy. You can have a treat for bringing good things. Poop stays outside.
Middy: *dawning horror* BEST BIG POOP PRESENT AND NO COOKIE JAR TREAT????
*more horror*
OLD MOMMY DOESNT LOVE HER MIDDDDYYYYYYY SPPOOOOOOONNNNNN???????
Me: *sigh* Old Mommy loves her Middy Spoon. But no poop. No treat.
Middy: ...cookie jar treat? *pathetic face*
Me: No. No treat. If I give you a treat, you'll just bring me more poop.
Middy: *saddest puppy*......kisses? Kisses because I love you?
Me: *shudder*
*reconsidering cookie jar treat*
Schmoopie: hey. *sad face* my poop.

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