My typical morning:
Schmoopie: *wakes up enough to notice Mephitidae is touching him* Ow no why stop it. *moves*
Mephitidae: Aw but snuggles! *squirms closer, stealing all the covers possible*
S: Dis a VICIOUS ATTACK *falls partially out of bed trying to avoid a warm puppy touching him even though he has no problems letting every random stranger give him hugs.*
*TBF, no random stranger has ever bitten him on the balls*
Me: *consoling Schmoopie from trauma of falling out of bed, after dragging him back onto the bed*
M: SNUUUUGGGGGLES! *squirm*
S: DIS A BRUTALITY IM OUT *gets up*
*stands by bed looking at me mournfully because how have I brought this VICIOUS MONSTER into our home?*
Me: Look, there's plenty of room. She's very small. She doesn't take up any space.
M: *stretches to her currently ridiculous length, effectively making it impossible for Schmoopie to get on the bed without touching her* IMMA TEENY!!
S: *mourning intensifies*
Me: FIIIIIINNNNNNEEE...*hauls M to the side*
S: *climbs onto tiny corner of bed*
M: IMMA MIDDY SPOON!! *crawls under the covers between me and Schmoop, forcing us apart by brute strength*
M: SNUUUGGGLLLLLEEESZZZZZZ *hiccup*
S: Humph.
Me: Hmph.
~fin~
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